Secrets So You Communicate to Truly Influence People


Learn about “Extreme Confidence” – Free Webinar – Feb. 28, 2018, hosted by Tom Marcoux

“What lesson did you learn that was expensive, that you had to pay for, but it’s made your life better?” my friend, Mark, asked me.

“Do everything you can to be an exceptional listener. I had the greatest teacher who did the opposite—who did not listen and created catastrophes.”

“Who is that?”

“My father. He gave me a backhanded gift. I wanted to be unlike him. To this day, family members do not trust him—because he does not listen, he does not admit his errors, and he does not get better,” I said, from my heart.

To become an Exceptional Listener, we use the N.O.W. process:

N – nurture your listening skills
O – open your mind to your internal obstacles
W – wrestle and rise above your previous limits

  1. Nurture your listening skills

“You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge, and what you do not consciously acknowledge will remain in control of you from within, festering and destroying you and those around you.”  – Richard Rohr

Why do you press on, keep talking, and, at times, fail to listen?

Here are some details that have been voiced by my students and clients:

  • Listening takes time. I’m afraid that we don’t have the time.
  • Some people really don’t get it. I don’t want my team to be swayed by stupid ideas.
  • I don’t want the meeting to descend into a complaint-fest—people just complaining.

I’ve learned that the leader sets the tone.

For example, with my MBA students, I have asked, “What is working for you? And, what do you want more of?” at the end of the initial class.

You’ll notice that I have set the tone as positive.

Because I often work with an international group of students, I have them write down their answers anonymously. Some cultures hold that if you speak up and ask questions, you might be disrespectful to the instructor.

So, I provide the quiet students with a way of “talking to me” through their anonymous responses on slips of paper that they hand in.

Then, in the next class, I read the comments and I respond to the comments in real time with the students.

They also see how I might add something to the session because I am listening to their comments–and I’m incorporating their preferences when appropriate.


  1. Open your mind to your internal obstacles

Listening is hard work. That’s the truth.

We need to observe our internal obstacles. What about our current fears and internal pain keeps us from devoting our full attention?

Several years ago, I found myself making a big mistake while directing my first feature film. I was so enthusiastic and grateful to be directing the film that I gushed my thank-yous and appreciation.

I watched faces. I was coming across as “too much.” The actors and crew faces communicated: “Is this guy for real?”

Upon reflection, I imagined that some of my frantic energy included “if they don’t like me, they won’t do what I say.”

Here are examples of “internal obstacles”:

  • Trying too hard because you’re afraid of something.
  • Feeling overwhelmed so you have too little energy to devote to each person and each conversation.

You need to take great care of yourself, so you have a big reservoir of personal energy.

What do you need that energy for? To communicate to people in the way that they prefer to receive the messages—and in a way they CAN receive the messages.

As a feature film director, I learned to direct each actor in a unique way, customized to the person in front of me.

  1. Wrestle and rise above your previous limits

I’ve said, “I was so focused on the deadline that I didn’t hear you out last time. Continue. I’m listening carefully.” Thereby, I admitted my error, and I sought to create a remedy.

I’ve learned from my interactions with my father that one cannot trust someone who does not admit errors. Why? Someone who refuses to see his or her own humanness cannot change for the better.

To rise above your past errors, ask a family member or team member: “What works for you when we have a conversation?” and “What gets in the way when we’re talking?”

You might hear something like:

  • I really need you to boil it down to your main point. You give me too much detail, and then I don’t know what’s really important.
  • You talk too quickly. And you assume that I have details that I don’t have. Maybe you could ask me if I’ve heard about something, so we know we’re on the same page.
  • Just tell me what you want. You have this way of asking a question instead of just coming out and telling me what you need.

In summary, to lead other people, listening well is an essential tool. It involves getting internal obstacles out of the way and asking appropriate questions including:

  • What’s most important to you about …?
  • What works for you when we have a conversation?
  • What gets in the way when we’re talking?
  • What is working for you? And what do you want more of?

Rehearse with a friend or trusted colleague so you improve your conversation skills.
This process will open the door for you–for new opportunities and enjoying your life.


Tom Marcoux
Spoken Word Strategist – Executive Coach
Speaker-Author, 44 books so far 🙂

51gjiy0bzvlSoar with Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed

Get the Advantages to take your business to a higher level. Learn Leadership Advantages, Pitch Advantages, and Success Advantages. To Soar with Confidence, you learn and use principles for top level communication to board members, team members and the media.
“Marcoux demonstrates how to “Prepare a Compelling Story that Moves Emotions.” He mentions techniques that he teaches clients for developing compelling Ted Talks.” – Dantalion Jones

51kgz7eafllDarkest Secrets of Making a PITCH for Film and Television: How You Can Get a Studio Executive, Producer, Name Actor or Private Investor to Say “Yes” to Your Project

Learn the vital skills of pitching your ideas and enrolling others into your vision. Get that “Big Yes” to funding your project. “This insightful book shows you how to zing a curveball right past the parts of the Hollywood exec’s brain that want to say no before you even make your pitch. You will learn what works when pitching, and more importantly, why, so you can get to YES much more often. Buy this book now. Consider it Spring Training before the big game.” – Danek Kaus

coverfromamazonDarkest Secrets of Persuasion and Seduction Masters: How to Protect Yourself and Turn the Power to Good

This invaluable guide, used by people in 15 countries and now in its second edition, will help you become immune to dark persuasion. Learn to use countermeasures to defend yourself against unethical persuasion and seduction tactics. Break any trance in which a salesperson is trying to get you to buy something not to your benefit. “Learn how to defend yourself against manipulation. Best book you’ll ever read to protect yourself, feel strong and move forward in your life. Highly recommended!” – Dr. JoAnn Dahlkoetter



What the Rich Don’t Say about Getting Rich: Work Smarter, Live Better

You want wealth, abundance and enjoyment–yes? Wouldn’t it be great to learn the real strategies that the Rich use to create Sustainable Wealth? This book takes you behind-the-scenes to what really works. You’ll see a lot of myth-busting, and you’ll learn the strategies that get real results. “Tom Marcoux gives you an inside look on the psychology of what it takes to be successfully wealthy in life. It’s more than just taking advantage of opportunity, but also about taking care of yourself. This book discusses a number of strategies that we often overlook when it comes to leading a successful life that leads to wealth generation.” – Barry Adamson II

5-28-17)FINAL2_amazingyouVers6webAmazing You: Enjoy the Power to Get It Done, Get Stronger, Get Credit for It … featuring Secrets of Extreme Confidence

Would you like to Amaze yourself? This book helps you Get Stronger so you can Get It Done! You’ll learn how you can Get Credit for It! All three elements are crucial so you rise to a higher level of success and happiness. Think about it. If you get it done, but you’re a physical wreck—you lose. If you get things done, but you don’t Get Credit for It—you cannot get new clients. And, you’ll lose your current clients—if they don’t know, in their gut, how their lives are better because you’ve brought them significant benefits. Here’s a secret: You can unleash the Amazing You! Executive Coach Tom Marcoux helps you develop Extreme Confidence. “Tom Marcoux, once again, has written a book filled with practical insights and veteran business expertise that allows individuals to acquire the tools to balance personal and professional life. Tom’s wisdom possesses depth and the experience of someone who has ‘walked the walk.'” – Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli

Darkest Secrets of Charisma: Overcome the Lies about Personal Magnetism, Get People to Feel Your Charisma and Influence Others with Your Words

Learn how you can tap into your natural gifts and tendencies to radiate Three Types of Charisma. Discover how to influence people with your words. “Marcoux explodes this myth: Charismatic people always feel comfortable before and during an important event, such as public speaking, networking or some other social event. This book shows how you can feel discomfort but still come across as confident and charismatic.The secrets include ways to radiate all three forms of charisma Marcoux describes as Warm Trust Charisma, Natural Charm Charisma and Magnetic Charisma.” – Danek Kaus


Secrets of Awesome Dinner Guests: What Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King, Jr., Helen Keller, and John Lasseter Can Teach You About Success … (The Power of Your Personal Brand)

Imagine dining with Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King, Jr., Helen Keller, and John Lasseter. These seven people share one thing: They’re great communicators. So this book will help you become a great communicator. “Marcoux especially stresses the importance of personal branding, of coming across as trustworthy and dependable.” – Einar Masson

Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Amazing You, body, business, business owner, CEO, entrepreneur, entrepreneurship, executive, executive coach, executive coaching, fearlessness, gratitude, happiness, happy, high trust relationships, inner peace, Inspired Action, law of attraction, love, money, OptiRealist, overcome feeling overwhelmed, peace, president, prosperity, reduce stress, relationship, repeat business, self-esteem, soul, spirituality, success, Tom Marcoux, Uncategorized, wealth

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 5,425 other subscribers
Get the Book: “Soar With Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures…”
7 Minute Video That Changes Lives: “How to Believe in Yourself When Others Don’t”
Get Book: “Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You”
Get Your Copy of Book “What the Rich Don’t Say about Getting Rich”
%d bloggers like this: