Seize Your Dream! – Overcome Fear – Use a New Approach to Goals

You’re driving your life; seize Your Dream.

“Help! My dream’s slipping away from me,” my friend Serena told me. She had endured years of yo-yo dieting. Her weight plummeting and rising up to a worse level than before the diet.

“Here’s what will really help — a new approach to working with goals,” I replied.

Have you been afraid of setting an ambitious goal and then failing – and then facing humiliation?

Success and fulfillment arise, in part, due to a strategic approach to goal setting and goal-achievement. We’ll use the A.I.M. process:

A – adjust for the long game
I – intensify systems
M – measure the empowering way

1. Adjust for the long game

Some people avoid goal-setting because they want to avoid pain in the forms of disappointment, frustration and embarrassment.

The truth is: everyone faces some frustration and disappointment even if they’re just trying to have a quiet life. But the important point is: without goal setting and goal-achievement, you will miss out on feeling good about yourself and about your life in general. Setting a personal goal and making progress yields feeling hopeful!

Look at “the long game.” By this I mean, look at building your whole life, not just some temporary setbacks that you might call failures.

For example, among my 27 books on Amazon.com, three of them do not sell at all. Some might call those books failures. Instead, I look upon those books (and writing them) as stepping stones. To this day, I use my research and writing from those books every semester when I teach graduate students and college students. So nothing was lost.

Writing those books was part of my “long game” plan. In writing 27 books, I’ve done so much research, so much thinking and so much creating of material. I bring these developments to every speech I give.

Now it’s your turn.

How can you set a small goal and remind yourself that it’s all part of your life-path? Remember small steps add up for your better life.

**********BREAKING NEWS!***************************

Tom Marcoux speaks and provides in-person processes
in North Hollywood, California
October 14, 2015. See 1.6 min. video:

2. Intensify systems

Instead of setting a tough goal and gritting your teeth and hoping to stay on your vigorous schedule, place a new system into your life. That is, a system for taking action that becomes a natural part of your day.

For example: recently, a colleague asked me to help her make sure that she rehearses enough for her next presentation.

I asked, “What do you do everyday?”

“Brush my teeth,” she replied.

“How about rehearsing your speech for 3 minutes immediately after you complete brushing your teeth?” I suggested.

“I could do that,” she replied.

Then I suggested that she set up a reward for herself when she completes three sessions of rehearsal.

Now, she had an empowering system of both specific actions and rewards.

Now it’s your turn.

What do you want to make sure that you do on a daily basis? How can you reward yourself for taking action?

As an Executive Coach, I help my clients set up a personalized system that ensures that they make progress and feel good on a daily basis. The process is about consistent action and rewarding yourself for incremental progress.

3. Measure the empowering way

Some people find it too painful to endure the emotional roller-coaster of weighing themselves everyday. A solution is to check one’s weight only once a week.

Still, we do well when we focus on three important details about measuring: a) what, b) when, and c) meaning

For example, when I wanted to drop weight, I had these details:

1) What? What is my belt measurement? (I was glad when I had slimmed down to three notches slimmer on the belt.)

2) When? I programmed weighing myself once a week.

3) Meaning: The belt measurement was more important to me than the weight number because I was also doing weight training. Weight training builds muscle, and muscle fibers weigh more than fat or other tissues. So, for me, the weight number was NOT the only meaningful measurement.

Now it’s your turn.

How can you identify the three elements (what, when, and meaning) of using empowering measurement? What will you measure? How often? And what does the measurement really mean towards your accomplishing your larger goal?

A Word about Setting a Goal and Feeling Embarrassed

My friend “Jackson” set a goal of dropping 20 pounds in 90 days. His result? Only 5 pounds. He was truly disappointed.

To be supportive, I mentioned the concept of a “growth mindset” (a concept originated by author/researcher Carol S. Dweck.)

When we have a growth mindset, we take a “failure” or setback as a natural part of the process. So my friend only dropped 5 pounds. That’s in the right direction! So now, he can look over his measurements. Did he walk 10,000 steps each day? No. Perhaps, that’s a big part of how he did not achieve his 20 pound weight loss goal.

Now, he can start again and change his behaviors. He can improve his approach and get better and better results. He can use a growth mindset.

When you set goals, sometimes, you’ll get disappointed. Sometimes, you may even appear to fail—in front of others. In my video “How to Believe in Yourself When Others Don’t [CLICK HERE to view the 7 min video], I said, “Measure by your heart, not their approval.” It’s understandable to feel embarrassed when you seem to fall short of a goal.

Here are two ways to deal with this:

One: only tell supportive people about your goal.

Two: Hold strong and realize that no matter what you do or do not do, someone will criticize. It’s just a fact of life. Eleanor Roosevelt said: “Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway.” So take the calculated risk. Create some forward motion in your life. Truly, you’re the only who really cares about what good you can create in your own life.

When I talk about overcome fear, I mean that you do not let fear stop you from taking action. So choose your goal. Choose carefully with whom you share your goal. And even when others criticize, be your own cheerleader because you have the courage to step forward, learn and keep going.

I invite you to make your own standards (what is in your heart), more important that what others say. Tell yourself (and even sometimes tell others), “I’m making progress. I’m learning as I go. I’m getting better at this. I have a good trend going.”

Consider setting goals according to the A.I.M. process:

A – adjust for the long game
I – intensify systems
M – measure the empowering way

Each day you can make progress.

I say that any step forward is Better Than Zero.

The best to you on your journey.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux,