You want to enjoy a warm and loving romantic relationship—yes? Valuable methods are found in a book I just had the chance to learn from: Happily Ever After… and 39 Other Myths about Love: Breaking Through to the Relationship of Your Dreams by Linda and Charlie Bloom.
The Blooms write on page xviii: “When we unquestioningly accept a myth…we become locked into a fixed and rigid perspective that makes it impossible to entertain other points of view. … Relationships require open-mindedness in order to thrive. … We want to encourage you to recognize when certain ideas about love have become so deeply embedded in your thinking that it hasn’t ever occurred to you to question them.” Powerful material!
Let’s pause right here: The Blooms have been married 44 years. Perhaps, you join with me and want to hear about what it really takes to create a long-term, loving marriage.
On page 30, the Blooms invite us to a deeper understanding of love: “Love asks more of us … it requires that we must:
- be willing to be wrong.
- resist the temptation to project blame on our beloved when we feel disappointed or upset.
- experience more lessons in humility than most of us want to.
- restrain ourselves when we feel the impulse to say or do something that would gratify our ego at the expense of our partner’s happiness.
- constantly seek to discover what we can give to our partner, rather than living in the question of ‘What’s in it for me?’
- be vulnerable rather than defensive when we feel threatened.”
On pages 130-132, the Blooms bust the myth of “people don’t change.” They write: “People who have poor relationships are frequently acting out their fears and anxieties.” The authors note: “Disrupting just one unskillful behavior can interrupt entrenched negative patterns and lead to a series of positive shifts. A mutually shared commitment to new practices can, if successfully implemented, transform even those relationships that have been deeply entrenched in negative patterns. … Each accomplishment strengthens our motivation keep up the good work. These wins accumulate over time, and they eventually create the Big Win: a relationship worth protecting and treasuring.”
The Blooms share on pages 158-160, a number of proven ways to develop more closeness and even romance in one’s long-term relationship. They emphasize: “Go out on a date. Dates aren’t just for young lovers; they work magic for anyone, no matter how long a couple has been together. Getting away from home provides a change of scenery and enlivens things for both partners.”
As an Executive Coach and Spoken Word Strategist, I help executives, business owners and other professionals increase their success and even happiness. I’ve learned that people do not truly compartmentalize their lives. Each person is living one life. So if your home-life is a wreck, your business is disrupted.
I’m a coach who works as a CEO leading teams in the United Kingdom, India and the United States of America. In working with clients, I know that having great relationships and a warm relationship at home, strengthens the whole person. Instead of more time management skills, people need to build their internal strength and even peace. Developing your internal skills of peace and compassion CREATES more energy for you.
Thus, it is a joy to recommend Linda and Charlie Bloom’s book Happily Ever After… and 39 Other Myths about Love: Breaking Through to the Relationship of Your Dreams to you.
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)