As his horse spun around, my father held on, captive on a runaway horse. He had to duck his head as the horse raced into the barn. Otherwise, he would have left a “face print” on the barn door frame. This horse Rejected the idea that this afternoon was about walking on the beach. Horses, other beings and people are likely to give us some resistance and even some outright rejection. We’ll use the C.A.N. process for dealing with rejection. Use these methods and become strong.
C – cancel the “3 Deadly Perceptions”
A – align with “what works” and “areas to improve”
N – nurture your “Let Go Ritual” and “Go Forward Ritual”
1. Cancel the “3 Deadly Perceptions”
Do you know someone who shoots down every new idea with comments like: “That won’t work. I tried that already. It didn’t work.”
It’s likely that this person suffers from a point of view dominated by the 3 Deadly Perceptions. It’s the viewpoint that something bad is Personal, Pervasive, and Permanent.
It sounds like this: “No. I didn’t get the job offer. There’s something wrong with me [personal]. In fact, I always screw up job interviews [pervasive]. I’ll never get better at this [permanent].”
The above disempowering habit of thinking can keep a person stuck in an unhealthy cycle.
It’s often not even true!
For example, imagine a kid saying, “I fell off the bicycle when learning how to ride for the first time. I always fall off. I’ll never learn to ride a bicycle ever.”
With some key words of coaching, this kid can learn to ride a bike!
The solution is to Turn Around the Words.
I always screw up job interviews.
We did not have a match.
I mess up every interview.
This was just one interview. I’ve learned something; I’ll do better on the next interview.
I won’t find a job.
We did not have a match. I’ll find a job and company that are a good fit for me. And they’ll like the great job I do for the team.
In a sense, my opening story of my father and the errant horse relates to this point. It is NOT pervasive and permanent if you “get on another horse!”
And that was the solution for my father that day. The stable team found another horse, one that was cooperative, and my father and I enjoyed riding horses down the beach in Half Moon Bay, California.
Now it’s your turn.
Do you have a “reflex” to use words that program you in a negative direction?—that is, do you say things that hold to something bad as personal, pervasive, and permanent?
How can you turn your words into an empowering direction?
2. Align with “what works” and “areas to improve”
When I went on auditions for film and commercials, I used a journal. For every audition, I wrote“what works” (for example, “I mentioned my martial arts experience”) and “areas to improve” (for example, “Next time, I’ll make sure to show a whole range of that southern accent.”)
After I wrote down my encouraging words “what works” and the lessons learned “areas to improve”—I closed the journal. (I called this my What Works/Areas to Improve Journal.)
This was an improvement over the torture of ruminating that fellow actors and I regularly fell into.
Make any rejection situation transform into another experience when you learn and get stronger.
3. Nurture your “Let Go Ritual” and “Go Forward Ritual”
Years ago, the top time management/day planner company flew me into Utah. I stayed in a great hotel and had a good dinner at their expense. The next day I auditioned alongside two other finalists to be one of their time management strategy presenters.
I flew home and was soon informed that I did not get the job. It hurt badly. (I think that one of the other finalists, the attractive, articulate blond young woman, got the job.)
I felt rejected and hugely disappointed. But I did NOT stay there. Immediately, I implemented a “Go Forward Ritual.” In this case, my Go Forward actions were to rent a space and give a time management workshop built on my OWN material.
I did not have to wait for someone else to “say yes” to me. I stepped forward on my own.
This process echoed the time when my high school best friend replaced me as the leader of the movie production club that I had founded. I did not stay in the “the upperclassmen rejected me” place of thinking. Instead, my Go Forward actions were to start a new production club – the TV production club. Nothing would stop me from leading a team of students to make video productions. [This means so much to me that I wrote a book Nothing Can Stop You This Year! CLICK HERE for a Free Chapter ]
I have taken many appropriate risks. Sometimes, I’ve been rejected. I implement two things: a“Let Go Ritual” and “Go Forward Ritual.”
In recent years, my Let Go Ritual is “Celebrate Someone Disagrees.”
If someone rejects you as a friend, rejects what you’re selling or something else . . . they are disagreeing. The person does not agree with you about the value of something.
So what do you celebrate? You celebrate your efforts and your courage to reach out to people. You celebrate that you’re taking steps forward.
Some of my clients celebrate by getting together with a friend or even buying an empowering song from iTunes.
Here’s another form of a Let Go Ritual: Have a sheet of paper with “No” inscribed 20 times. At the bottom of the sheet inscribe “YES!” Every time you hear “no,” cross off a “No” on the paper. Now, you are one step closer to a golden Yes!
One salesperson has this Go Forward Ritual. If a sales phone call results in a rejection, the person places a quarter in a bowl and says out loud (after the call), “Next!” Then she places a smile on her face and makes the next phone call.
* * *
Put some attention and effort into making sure your daily actions strengthen you.
Be sure to develop your habit of writing in a What Works/Areas to Improve Journal. Instill some Let Go Rituals and Go Forward Rituals.
Successful people face more rejection than “average” people. Why? Successful people take more risks and with that, they can lose at times. We just hear about their successes.
Author Zig Ziglar said, “No one would go bowling if they couldn’t see the pins drop.”
I’ll add: “No one would go bowling if the pins automatically dropped and there was no challenge.”
As an Executive Coach, I help my clients develop a pattern so they measure their progress. Seeing progress keeps my clients energized and motivated. I emphasize: “Keep Score and Achieve More.”
Author Will Bowen wrote: “Problems keep us engaged.”
I’ll add: “Problems, including rejection, keep us growing, moving forward and having an interesting, fulfilling life.”
YourBodySoulandProsperity.com Arrives in North Hollywood, California – October 14th, 2015 – 6:45 pm.
Workshop: “Your Body, Soul and Prosperity — 3 Easy Steps to Massively Increase YOUR Health, Happiness and Prosperity”
**The Experiential Workshop** Wednesday October 14, 2015 – 6:45-9:45 pm. Share the news with friends. Thank you. Many blessings.