Recently, I learned from authors Susan Campbell, PhD and John Grey, PhD as I studied their book Five-Minute Relationship Repair.
Drs. Campbell and Grey tie brain science to explain how couples get upset and go in downward spirals.
What really captured my attention is their emphasize on “co-triggering.” The authors explain that the real causes of emotional upsets is that certain things couples say or do function like a trigger that has “an alarm [go off] in the nervous system whenever it detects a potential threat to our survival, including a disturbance in our connection to ‘the one we depend on.’” (page 2).
In Chapter 9 (page 135) “Agree to Stop Scaring Each Other,” Drs. Campbell and Grey write: “Donna and Eric never intended to trigger fear in each other. But whenever Donna complained and Eric reacted by withdrawing, it scared Donna into believing her story that she didn’t matter to him. Her core need to feel connected would get frustrated, triggering her fear of being alone and unloved.”
The authors go on to relate how Eric would also get triggered. His core fears of being unacceptable and inadequate would arise while Donna complained.
On page 140, the authors reveal the “Pause-Calm-Repair” method. They demonstrate how this process can shift a “distressed relationship toward one of safety, acceptance and reconnection.”
My review of this book is in one word: “Wow.”
My sweetheart and I continue to enjoy our relationship of over 15 years. She has patience often, and I’m grateful for that. I know the truth of Drs. Campbell and Grey’s words. It takes daily, quick repairs to help one’s relationship flourish.
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I truly agree with Dr. Susan Campbell’s and Dr. John Grey’s approach. Through being coached and learning much, my sweetheart and I have supported each other through the years.
In recent years, business leaders have gained coaches to excel. This follows the model that every Olympic athlete has a coach. I work as an Executive Coach and Spoken Word Strategist. Over the decades, I have studied with mentors, and currently I lead teams in the United Kingdom, India and the United States of America.
My point is: coaching is not just for business and athletics.
Coaching is vital for long-lasting, intimate, joyful relationships. And through this terrific book, you’ll gain coaching from Drs. Campbell and Grey.
It is a joy to recommend Drs. Campbell and Grey’s book Five-Minute Relationship Repair to you.
So learn from the authors’ stories and methods in this book, and get the coaching (in the book) to help you enhance your relationship every day.
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